Choosing People Who Choose You

I swear I’m not trying to flex when I say this, but my heart is a little too big. By that I mean, it’s too open and available. All it takes is one positive interaction for me to care about someone and to invest in their feelings towards me. The problem with keeping a “For Rent” sign on your heart is that you remain in a constant state of instability and unease. As soon as the tenant changes their mind, they move out, but you still feel the emptiness they left behind. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is a very unhealthy and sad way to live.

As I’ve been figuring out my new living situation post-grad, reviewing properties, and eventually signing a lease, I discovered just how much goes into finding and securing a home. My whole life, I’ve allowed romantic and platonic tenants to wreak havoc on my heart without proper vetting. When you sign a lease, your credit history is reviewed, former roommates are called, and you have to provide proof that you will consistently pay rent. Looking back, as soon as someone expressed interest, I handed away the keys. Yikes!! I did not check to make sure they had respected hearts in the past, how they handled current relationships, or even if they were truly committed to sticking around for the long haul.

So why was I so eager to open the door? It definitely has ties to a lack of self-worth, but also a desire to experience something new without really making sure it was a worthwhile experience. I’ve learned recently that not every new experience is worth having. Sure you could go on a date, but if you already know your expectations don’t align, why even waste your time? For the “experience”? I don’t think so, sister. Sure you could make a new friend, but if you’ve seen how they treat their current friends, why put yourself in harm’s way? “To give it a try”? Nah, I’m good.

Now, I’m not advocating for you to close yourself off completely, but if you’re like me and you’ve overshared, over-invested, and over-cared for people you REALLY don’t know yet are worthy of that, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. The truth is, when you come to the realization that not everyone is worthy of you and your energy, you behave differently. And please know, I’m not chastising because I’ve only recently come to this realization myself. So repeat after me, NOT EVERYONE IS WORTHY OF MY TIME AND ENERGY.

And though I’m still figuring out my own vetting process, I want to share with you a few questions I’m going to be asking going forward.

Do I feel comfortable around this person?
Do they make me feel good about myself? Or do they try to take me down a peg?
Could this person fit into the community of friends and family I have already established?
Are they supportive of my passions?
Am I confused about this person’s intentions? Or are their intentions always clear?
When I speak to this person, am I anxious or calm?
Do I feel like I’m putting on a facade when I spend time with them?

If your relationships cannot pass this vetting process, I suggest you break your lease. The discomfort from separating yourself from bad relationships will pale in comparison to the pain of getting invested in a person who does not value your heart.

Take it from me, it’s NOT WORTH IT.

So I’ll end this by saying, I love you and I hope you know that you deserve people who choose you. Let’s make sure the people we bring into our hearts can pay the rent.

fearless chronicles: take control of your social media

The other day I was hanging with a friend and their partner. We were discussing Tiktok and the type of content that pops up on our respective feeds. My friend’s partner commented that they wished they could see the type of content we see and sort of threw up their hands as if Tiktok had condemned them to the unfunny side of the app.

fearless chronicles: is therapy all it's cracked up to be?

As a self-proclaimed fearless woman, I thought for 2023, I could talk about the tools that have helped me become a better, more self-aware person. I should preface that I am not a perfect person and I do not strive to be. To me, becoming “THAT GIRL” as Tiktok likes to call any self-assured woman, is about finding peace in solitude, practicing mental and physical wellness, and building healthy relationships with others. It is not about reaching perfection or becoming someone without basic human emotions.

If You Have to Beg, It's Not For You

So, the other day I had a major breakthrough in therapy. I discovered that for most of my life, I have felt the intense need to prove myself to everyone around me. The more distant and disapproving someone was, the more I felt the need to win them over. So much so that I felt annoyed with people who loved me for me, no strings attached.

10 Shows/Movies That Ooze Summer

It’s summer, and it’s time to take that after-pool day shower (a top-tier human experience) and sit down to watch a binegable show. It can be hard to find shows that capture the season, but look no further because I have compiled a list of ten shows that express June-August perfectly!

Girl, Get Out of That Small Town

Just a few days ago, I finished my first year of law school. It took 15 hours of testing and many research and writing assignments to close the door on the first chapter of my legal career. I was and still am pretty wiped out. No one tells you how strange you will feel after finally achieving something you never thought would end, but yeah— it’s really weird. After your adrenaline has been pumping for two weeks straight, you feel a crash. There’s a moment when you realize that the academic validation didn’t feel as good as you imagined it would.

A New Year, A New You!

Hey, besties! Long time no post. Truth time: I have not been as consistent with posting as I planned before beginning this law school journey. Maybe you can relate? Was there something you planned to do this year and totally dropped the ball? Luckily for me and you, we can always make a fresh start, and not just because a new year is approaching. You can choose any day as your new year.

Life Update: Law School & ✨Adulthood ✨

Woah girlies it’s been more than a minute since we last spoke. I can’t believe it’s already October aka Spooky Season! Law school has a way of making time seem slow when you want to speed up and fast when you want to slow down. And the only reason I’m able to write this post is that I’m on fall break, and I knew I had to squeeze some time in to update you all on life as it is now.

Why Self-Love Seems Rebellious

I’ve watched Olympic gymnastics for as long as I can remember. I was named after Olympic gold medalist, Dominique Dawes. I bought books and watched documentaries about Gabby Douglas leading up to and after the 2012 Summer Olympics, hoping to understand more about the petite, but powerful young woman. And slightly related, I was obsessed with the ABC Family show, Make It or Break It, a tv drama about young gymnasts trying to accomplish their Olympic dreams. I say all this to say that when it’s time to watch the U.S. Olympic Gymnastics Team, I am all in.

When Being the Main Character Goes Wrong

Just a couple of scrolls through Instagram, Tiktok, or really any social media platform, you will run into a message about taking charge of your life and “being the main character”. This “main character” message has become so prevalent that just the other day, I saw back-to-back videos encouraging me to “stop being a side character in my own life”. At its core, there is a wholesome message of self love, but it's important not to warp the message into self-centeredness.

6 Ways to Incorporate Sustainability Into Your Summer

My sustainability journey really began in January 2020. I was watching a BestDressed YouTube video when she explained why she thrifts much of her clothing. It intrigued me that a majority of her fabulous collection was secondhand. I couldn’t believe that you could be so fashionable and environmentally ethical. This shock led me to research just how much of an impact fast fashion has on the environment. And I made the decision to only thrift my clothes for a whole year.

Choosing People Who Choose You

10 Books You Should Read This Spring

Spring, to me, is opening up a novel while sitting on a crisp picnic blanket in the park. It’s being one with nature and focusing on the worlds and characters that lie within the pages in a book rather than a black screen. If this is spring for you, we’re soul sisters! You may be thinking, “But Dom, I don’t have any books to read!” To that I say, have no fear, below I have provided you with ten novels you need to read this spring. Break out the picnic blanket, snacks, and one of these books! Spring has sprung!

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