When Being the Main Character Goes Wrong

Just a couple of scrolls through Instagram, Tiktok, or really any social media platform, you will run into a message about taking charge of your life and “being the main character”. This “main character” message has become so prevalent that just the other day, I saw back-to-back videos encouraging me to “stop being a side character in my own life”.

Now, below this message I believe there is a wholesome message of self-love, having fun, and taking risks. And I believe heavily in all of those things. It is so important to have confidence in yourself and to do things that make you happy. After all, you only get to be you once.

On top of the positive message, I have also seen a weird message—a belief that your life is a movie and that everyone is a member of a cast. The problem with viewing your life this way is that it implies that everyone exists purely for your benefit or harm. It turns everyone you encounter into two-dimensional characters. It leads you to believe that anyone who is “supporting” has no identity outside of yours and that anyone else is a villain seeking to destroy your story. I understand why this happens because that’s exactly how films work. Films compartmentalize things for us so that they are easier to understand. Our brains love a neat and tidy story—one where there is a clear hero and villain. Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like that. And I think it’s unhealthy to promote what I call “main character syndrome”. It could possibly be a subset of narcissism, but overall, it’s operating as if every experience is a scene in your movie.

Maybe you’re like, Dom, I don’t think like that at all! But I challenge you to really ponder on it for a second. When friends don’t contact you for a while, do you immediately think they’re ignoring you? Instead, realize that they may just have a lot going on and reach out first. When people disagree with you or even do something mean to you, do you think they’ve always been jealous of you or want to see your destruction? Instead, consider that maybe they didn't intend to hurt your feelings. Or let’s say they don’t like you, perhaps their dislike is more about their own experiences than your actual existence. When you start dating, do you think it’s your significant other’s responsibility to fulfill you? Do you get as invested in their interests and hobbies as much as they get into yours? It’s important not to view romantic relationships as plots of romantic comedies. As cute as “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” is—it’s not realistic.

Conquering main character syndrome isn’t an encouragement to be naive. Sometimes your friends do need space from you, a person could dislike you a lot, or perhaps you’re just not that into your SO. All I’m saying is, it is more freeing to assume that people’s actions are based on something in their lives and not yours. To make it simpler, start thinking that if you’re the main character of your movie, so is everyone around you. They are the stars of their own movie too, and if you stop believing that everything that happens to you is meant to drive the plot, I think you’ll have a more carefree perspective. Look, if you want to make a change and “be the main character”, make a change in your actions or your lifestyle—not other people’s. I like to think that we’re a part of this God-made puzzle. We all have an equally important purpose. People will drift in and out of our lives and that’s healthy. These life experiences are not plot points, just experiences. Live through them, but don’t romanticize or demonize.

Movies are great and they bring so much joy, BUT there is a reason why movies are an escape. I don’t want the positive message of high self-esteem and living life to the fullest to get warped into a message of narcissism and selfishness. The best way to live life is to tell yourself that it’s just not always about you.

As always, I love you and I want you to be great. This week, practice self-love in a healthy way so that it can then be transferred to someone else. Self-love precedes love for others!

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When Being the Main Character Goes Wrong

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